Tuesday, March 18, 2003

lessons reappear until we learn them.

if you have known me for years, you know that i am notorious for making the same mistakes over and over. i know better, but i always seem to always shoot myself in the foot...

my attention is often distracted, obscured, or lost in thought, i fail to notice many things. i think that my main problem has do to with not paying attention to what is arising in any given moment - to my actions and their results...it's always when things get so complex that my attention is heightened.

failures and unwanted outcomes serve to new behavior and different approaches. the biggest failure of all is the failure to learn from my mistakes.

until my attention is heightened to the cues, actions and messages that are always overlooked, i will continue doing the same old shit over again.

it's ok to fuck up. we're all human. we're entitled to make mistakes. we're always learning...everyday.

everyone is entitled to forgiveness, another opportunity to step up to the plate...

the person that i have been the past several months is not the person that i really am. somehow my spirit got lost somewhere between the dim winter, our weird state of the world and on things that i have no reason to focus on.

i seriously think that i had seasonal affective disorder.

now my view and outlook on everything has changed. maybe the wonderful change of the weather caused the turnaround? could be, but i know for sure that it was someone (who is so dear to me) that played a big role in my renewed, refreshed perspective...

oh, how i want to share it with her...

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